People Pleasing 101…
05.26.24
Pastor Rich here. I get to write the devotional this week! And as I was thinking about this passage, I was reminded yet again…I’m a people pleaser.
I’m realizing it has been a part of who I am for a while. Part of it is, I just don’t want to let people down. Let’s face it, we all let someone down at some point. But the truth is, I really don’t want to disappoint people. Which reveals something…
I people please because I want people to have a certain perspective of me. A good perspective. I want people to see me in a certain light so sometimes I’m quick to say yes. Whether it’s permission, or someone looking for agreement, or someone who invites me into a conversation about a tough topic…I get really agreeable. Often, I don’t pause and think through the ramifications. In my concern that they might not have a favorable view of me, I tend to speak or act before I think—extending myself or situations without counting the cost.
Which gets complicated further when my brain catches up to my words and actions (usually while lying in bed at night). I start realizing I said yes based on a desire to be in someone’s good graces. And while it sounds like a humble posture (wanting to not disappoint people), I fear it’s more nefarious. Welcome to my inner world by the way. Maybe a fun place to visit but you probably wouldn’t want to set up shop.
So…
I, Rich Doering, am a people pleaser. And I do it because I want people to like me.
That last sentence feels really gross. And I know someone is going to say, “Rich, you’re being a little hard on yourself.” Thanks, but I’m a big boy and sometimes we need to grow up.
In Matthew 5 Jesus is challenging his listeners, many of them religious leaders, to be careful when making oaths. The issue He is getting at is motive. They were making statements invoking the name of God, but then changing their minds or worse, using oath making and God’s name to create a perception of themselves. Like how my desire not to disappoint fuels my people pleasing, for them, oath making in God’s name was done to create a visual. Instead, Jesus shows up on the scene and essentially says, “How about we knock all that off. If you meant to do something just do it. If not, don’t.” (Let your yes be yes, or your no be no) In other words,there’s no need to decorate your response by pulling God’s name into the mix or by super spiritualizing it. In fact, I get the sense Jesus might be a bit offended that people are dragging His Father’s name into the mix when He knows (He is Jesus after all) that their motive is off.
Remember, some of these people in the crowd are the same people he referenced one chapter earlier when talking about not praying or performing spiritually for others. Their posturing and invoking God’s name to dress up their personas in the eyes of others revealed their hearts.
So, all of you other people pleasers—-UNITE! Let’s buck the system and decide to pause a bit every once in a while. Not be driven by the view others may or may not have of us. And when we say we’re going to do something—-let’s leave the spiritual fluff off of it. I once had a mentor say to me after we met with someone who couldn’t stop invoking God’s name for all of the things they were involved in, “Rich, I think God just got credit for stuff God doesn’t even want credit for.”
Let’s be people who let our yes be yes and no be know and leave it at that. Makes life a bit more simple. And I think Jesus would approve.